When we strive to become better than we are, then everything around us becomes better as well. What is more, the Gaslighter will try to convince their victim that it was the victim’s fault that they (as Abuser) chose to lie, cheat, steal, do bodily harm, bully, collude, keep secrets, commit a civil crime, commit moral crimes, commit violent or physically aggressive and socially deviant crimes, whatever. First Argument The first argument is the name of the problem as a string e.g. Seasonal or Holiday Family Drama got you down? The sooner our politicians and news media personalities realize this, the sooner we will be able to hold truly meaningful conversations on policy. Songs About Being 17Grey's Anatomy QuotesVine Quotes4 Leaf CloverSelf Respect, 1. Then assume that you have won. Should we start banning cars as well?”, - In In response to Trump’s sexual harassment/assault allegations: “What about Bill Clinton? It is a form of projection when it is used to deflect blame. When and if a person chooses to deflect a question or to strive to take a conversation off-topic with irrelevant data, they tend to physically cause sensations of confusion, angst, and frustration in their victimized listeners. Hopefully, people will begin recognizing when they are talking to someone using whataboutism. But not everything in life will go detail to detail of how you pictured it, but if you just drop the expectations and go with the flow you'll experience a much more fulfilled life vs planning everything. Handling Deflection By Michael Schreiner | February 8, 2017 In the therapy situation, and the wider sphere of life, deflection is a commonly deployed tool to avoid digging too deeply into subject matter that, consciously or unconsciously, is thought to be threatening to the psyche. In a home with a young child being confronted about why they did or did not engage in a prohibited action, deflection tactics used by a young child on an elder are to be expected. Strong arguments are based on testable premises and logical relationships, whilst weak arguments – whether due to weak premises or to weak relationships – tend to use logical fallacies to appear stronger than they are or to appear to weaken an opposing argument. The deflector will try to claim word salad, conversation stalking, and point avoiding justification for why they did (or did not) do (or not do) whatever it is that hurt somebody. Because it takes two people to engage in a productive conversation. However, you might be using it too without even knowing. A serial cheater, for instance, might claim that the reason they were cheating (if caught) was because the cheated-on spouse drove them to it. People can use them to murder people too. Fallacy by deflection A well-known professor claimed that there was no possibility that the set A as in the Courant-Robbins contradiction and Lebesgue Measure could be the entire unit interval 0 to 1. Children are starving in Africa and your father loves canned peas and the son of the neighbor just won a scholarship to Duke and he always eats his vegetables…. Tip: Remove all water bottles and trash to make yourself more organized! Whataboutism is a cowardly tactic. You're not delusional and you're definitely not a weirdo. If you suspect your partner, a loved one, co-worker, or family member has a Cluster B personality disorder, contact your local victim's advocate or domestic violence shelter for more information about how to protect your rights legally and to discuss the potential benefits or dangers of electing to go "no contact" with your abuser(s). The person embezzling from a family savings account convinces their spouse that they intend to put the money back — just as soon as they win that bet at the track. One of the most obvious uses of whataboutism in recent times is when the current President of the United States made a statement about the violence in Charlottesville, Virginia. First, he didn’t actually answer the question that was initially asked of him and instead decided to fire back a different question to the reporter (If you only answer questions with another question you won’t ever have to answer a thing). Deflection is both a tactic and an instinct. It acts as a complete distraction by derailing the conversation into what the defendant wants to talk about instead. The narcissist knows that your facts are indisputable and you have the upper-hand, so to gain control of the conversation and win the argument, the narcissist will deviate into a tangent of verbal vomit attempting to hoodwink you and pull the ole’ topic switcheroo. They are highly intelligent situational abusers willing to lie, stall, distort the truth, or outright gaslight whomever they are striving to avoid answering. This program computes the deflection and slope of a laterally loaded statically indeterminate beams. What to do if your In-laws do not like you, What is BPD: Symptoms, Common Comorbid Conditions, and Diagnostic Options, What hurling insults reveals about the Verbal Abuser. What motivates Cluster B personalities to act like Grinches? Due to the nature of this website's content, we prefer to keep our writer's names ANONYMOUS. Why the brain cannot stop thinking about Abuse or Abusers after trauma exposure, Why Pathological Liars and Enablers seek to triangulate, Common personality traits of Serial Cheaters, Collapsed Narcissism and the Toxic Adult Child Mentality. These are three of the most common underhanded tactics used in debates.They come into play as an attempted deflection from the main argument that your opponent is usually losing and can no longer argue intelligently. Pay no mind to the fact that Grandpa has nothing whatsoever to do with the question of why Gina thinks it was alright to rob her mother and deprive all the siblings and future family members of the right to inherit the sentimental items she took to the pawnshop and sold without telling anybody. How we change what others think, feel, believe and do ... * Argument * Brand management * Change Management * Coaching * Communication * Counseling * Game Design * Human Resources * Job-finding * … It fails to recognize a problem that is occurring and fails to add new discussion into how we can resolve current problems. Jennifer Kustanovich, SUNY Stony Brook5. One meaning is to defuse tension or avoid answering a question by trying to steer the conversation in a different direction. Reagan’s line about Mondale, Bratt explains, is a prime example of the attack deflection: turning something directed toward you into a burn on someone else. Surviving Parental Alienation during special events, holidays, and birthdays, Why Toxic Family members act like serial bullies toward targeted Inlaws, How to identify Emotional Abuse if you were groomed to enable Social Predators, Gender bias a nurtured Narcissistic Abuse Tactic, Narcissists groom Enablers to emulate Social Predators, Ad Hominem attacks mastered by Con Artists and Bullies, When loving a BPD family member is caustic, Stonewalling a common BPD conversational control tactic, How to emotionally deal with Toxic Inlaws, Why Narcissists speak in glittering generalities, Alcoholics encourage other people to drink; refuse to Enable their dysfunction. of others. They will NEVER address any issues brought against them or their point but will instantly bring something else up to change the subject Deflective racists use this tactic whenever a situation/fact is brought up that goes against there beliefs Deflection, by definition, is a method of changing the course of an object, an emotion, or thought from its original source. If you've ever had or experienced anything of these things, you're probably the next Long Island Medium, or you're just simply a highly spiritual DIVA. Sublimation is one of the most healthy defense mechanisms, in which the guilty person turns their wrongdoings into a positive. In this way you are able to win the argument and to quell the criticism without seemingly opposing it. How to Have a Productive Argument. As a psychology major, it’s infuriating to see how it actually works quite effectively in a conversation. You can disarm any criticism by following the technique above. It’s an extremely disruptive and unproductive tactic that is used when someone doesn’t want to / can’t add anything meaningful to the argument to either prove their own point or discredit the opposite side’s point. The fact that he is trying to create a false equivalency by labeling counter-protesters as “alt-left” shows where he completely ignores – or perhaps doesn’t even recognize – the fact that there is a social problem in the first place. Whataboutism, also known as whataboutery, is a variant of the tu quoque logical fallacy that attempts to discredit an opponent's position by charging them with hypocrisy without directly refuting or disproving their argument. A logical fallacy is a flaw in reasoning. So, it's been a roller-coaster experience, and definitely not what we expected. In a family unit, an abusive sibling might claim the reason it was okay to steal the family jewelry from mom was that Grandpa left Jimmy Joe Bob his tool collection and Janet got nothing in the inheritance. Have you ever been watching your favorite show, all comfortable and relaxed, and then that one character that you just can't stand pops up on the screen and ruins your mood? After all, you are lucky to be with them because you know Jedd down the street beats his wife and kids and the woman at the local convenience store says her partner never even bothered to come home after he cheated… so you are lucky they are in the house, in your face, denying wrongdoing, and demanding dinner. Let's be clear about ONE THING. Besides the dos and don’ts from above, here’s an infographic that explains how to have a productive argument at work: [1] Obviously, when a toddler lies in this manner, they are being manipulative while self-promoting (striving to remain in good graces of the caregiver while still getting their way and avoiding all possibility of punishment or being held morally and socially accountable for rule-breaking). Essentially, when the fault is in fact with us, we project the blame and fault onto someone else. Lonely is a state of mind: C-PTSD and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery, How to go Gray Rock from a moral and spiritual perspective, Why narcissistic people lie, smear campaign, and gossip about victims, The difference between Pathological Envy and Jealousy. Though something may have happened in the past, or something else has the possibility of providing the same dangers, it does not excuse the main problems or facts that are currently at place and it is extremely dangerous to think that they do. Most are glaringly obvious, and just as the name implies, often starts with “What about.” Here are a few personal examples I have heard: IesIn response to gun control: “Well what about cars? Deflection. The ONLY way deflection can be successful in ANY argument is when people choose it to be; when they don't want the truth to come out, justice be done, or the law enforced in first place. He doesn’t ever add anything to the conversation on how we might be able to prevent these kinds of events in the future and he doesn’t discuss the socio-political ideas that are fundamentally wrong with white nationalism and Nazism. It is a major red flag that whoever chooses to do it has a covert agenda to abuse their listeners. No reprint or copy without express permission in writing of the original content creator(s) and hosts of this website. Perhaps they have never hurt a fly, but it doesn't matter since their character just straight-up sucks.By the way, some of my arguments contain spoilers, so fair warning.